Growing Pains

As a child, I was too tall for my age, long and skinny, and I loved nothing more than running around outside all summer long, playing whatever game had captured my imagination that day. I would drag inside at dusk, complain about having to take a bath, and then, since I was proud to call myself a tomboy, I would count up the bruises on my shins as badges of honor, proof of my adventurous spirit.

Thankfully, those bruises never caused me much pain, but oh my, I remember the gnawing ache of growing pains as my legs stretched longer. Once I was standing in the kitchen, shifting my weight from one leg to another, and telling my mother how badly my legs hurt. She was cooking dinner, and with the age-old wisdom of parents said, “I’m sorry, Caryn, but it’s just growing pains. Your body has to grow, and sometimes it hurts. There isn’t anything to do about it.”

That response sounds harsh to our modern-parenting ears, but it’s true. In fact, now when my sweet children come to me and say, “Mommy, my legs hurt”, I give them the same response. Growing pains are just part of your body changing and there is nothing to do about it.

The same can be said for writing a book. A book grows from a vague idea in the author’s mind, to a simple first draft, to a better second draft, then a third, then a fourth, and then by the time it’s finished, it looks nothing like what the author originally pictured. It has developed into something far greater.

All that growth takes work on the author’s part, though. It isn’t a passive thing; it takes intentional, consistent effort to grow a book into a thing of beauty. It’s painful, too. This week I heard back from two writing professionals: an editor from a Christian publishing company and a literary agent in New York City. Both of them said nice things to me: Apparently I have “lovely writing”, a “good voice throughout”, and a “lot of good going for [me]”, but for various reasons, my manuscript wasn’t a good fit for their publishing company or their publishing contacts.

I was crushed. Like completely crushed. But as I poured my heart out in emotional, complaining prayers, God in His infinite wisdom calmed my heart and helped me realize that my book needs to grow. Before I send my manuscript out again, I need to cut out the weak parts, refine it, polish it, and make it better.

So last night I sat down and got rid of the first few pages that have been driving me nuts. I knew they were slow, but I thought they contained important background information. Fellow beginning writers, don’t fall into that trap! I don’t know how many times I have read the advice: “Don’t fill up your first few pages with too many details and setting. Instead, captivate your readers with your characters and the plot.” Well, I read it but was always too nervous to mess any more with my book since I thought it was finished, but every time I sent the first five pages to an agent, I had second thoughts. I really didn’t think those pages were as good as they should be and they definitely weren’t representative of the rest of the book. If only agents would just be willing to read the entire manuscript instead of just the first five pages, my life would be easier, but unfortunately, that is not reality. Agents wouldn’t have time to read complete manuscripts from even a third of the queries they receive!

I re-worked my beginning, added in some new sentences here and there, got rid of a big chunk of extraneous detail, and now I think my beginning pops! As hard as it was to go through the growing pains of this week, I am thankful for it, because now Only the Stars Remain is a better book.

The growing pains weren’t only for my book, however.  I also grew this week, and it was painful for me as well. I was hurt, angry, confused, and frustrated. I know that God gave me this manuscript. I know He is control of what happens to it, but that doesn’t mean I like it when I don’t get what I want. I really grieved over these rejections, but thankfully my God can handle all my messy emotions. He can take it when I get frustrated. He already knows what I am thinking, and He wants me to bring my sorrows to Him. He listens  because He cares. He wants me to pour out my thoughts to Him and let Him deal with my burdens for me.

Now, He didn’t give me any miraculous answers to prayer. The agent didn’t suddenly call me and say she had changed her mind, though that would have been nice! He didn’t fill me with some warm and fuzzy feelings. But that’s not necessary. God doesn’t have to do amazing things to get me to trust Him. I trust Him because He is God.

Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

God is faithful. He is just, kind, and loving. I can trust Him implicitly. Yes, He will lead me through growing pains, but that is good. Without growth, I would be unhealthy, stagnant, and eventually, I would die. I don’t want that. I want God to grow me. I want Him to change me more into the image of Christ.

Even though this week was incredibly hard for me, I praise God for it. Only the Stars Remain is a better book and my faith in my God is stronger. So, as my mother used to tell me, growing pains are good and necessary, and I wouldn’t get out of it if I could.

This hymn spoke to my heart recently. It’s beautiful, so I want to leave you with these thoughts.

1
O soul, are you weary from wave upon wave
Of grief and affliction whom no man can save?
Has sickness surrounded, or unending night?
Uncertainty stolen your joy and your might?

2
O doubting, o fearful– remember His care,
The helpless and hopeless need never despair
For from your afflictions His glory shall spring–
The deeper your sorrow, the louder you’ll sing!
Remember Your father– His promise, His love:

Chorus
“I’ll never forsake you, this pain will not break you,
For I will remake you for unending joy;
My promise is faithful though now it is painful;
No power can trample my covenant love.”

Verse 3
Remember your Savior– His grief and His pain,
The lonely affliction, unmerited shame.
Though you had betrayed Him, He died in your place;
The joy set before Him He offers by grace.
Remember Your father– His promise, His love.

If you have time, click on the link at the bottom that will take you to the hymnwriter’s site. He has some great comments about this hymn, as well as the audio for the song itself.

Have you experienced any growing pains recently? Please feel free to share here how God has been working in your life!

http://www.thousandtongues.org/songs/modernhymns/ill-never-forsake-you?s=I%27ll+never+forsake+you